Money makes the world go round, or so they say. But sometimes, it’s good to take a step back and have a laugh about our love-hate relationship with finances. Whether you’re a finance enthusiast, a comedy lover, or a millennial navigating the treacherous waters of adulting, these funny quotes about spending money will give you a good chuckle. So let’s dive into the world of finance humor and laugh our way to the bank (or maybe just the next payday).
Funny Quotes on Money
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“Too many people spend money they earned to buy things they don’t want to impress people that they don’t like.” — Will Rogers
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“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention.” — Unknown
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“I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too.” — Steve Martin
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“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.” — David Lee Roth
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“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” — Jackie Mason
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“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” — Phyllis Diller
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“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.” — Will Rogers
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“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.” — Yogi Berra
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“There’s no money in poetry, but then there’s no poetry in money, either.” — Robert Graves
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“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” — Earl Wilson
Best Funny Money Quotes
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“My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, it makes me cry.” — Unknown
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“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” — John Barrymore
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“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.” — Henny Youngman
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“I don’t want to make money. I just want to be wonderful.” — Marilyn Monroe
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“I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.” — E.E. Cummings
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“The safest way to double your money is to put it in your pocket.” — Kin Hubbard
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“Save a little money each month, and at the end of the year, you’ll be surprised at how little you have.” — Ernest Haskins
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“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” — Jackie Mason
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“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” — Oscar Wilde
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“Money is the best deodorant.” — Elizabeth Taylor
Funny Quotes Spending Money
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“I’m not really good with money, but I’m pretty good with spending it.” — Unknown
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“There’s no such thing as free time, there’s no such thing as free lunch, and there’s no such thing as free money.” — Bill Clinton
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“I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.” — Warren Buffett
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“I can resist everything except temptation.” — Oscar Wilde
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“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” — Max Asnas
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“Money talks. But all mine ever says is goodbye.” — Unknown
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“I don’t spend my money on cars or houses. I spend it on good food and a lot of shoes.” — Tamara Mellon
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“I saw a bank that said ’24-Hour Banking,’ but I don’t have that much time.” — Steven Wright
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“My best credit card purchase was a mirror. It helps me reflect on my poor spending habits.” — Unknown
Funny Get Money Quotes
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“I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention.” — Unknown
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“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” — Bob Hope
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“If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?” — Unknown
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“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.” — Gertrude Stein
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“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single.” — Billy Crystal
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“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” — Bill Murray
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“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” — Willie Sutton
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“I save money by not saving it.” — Unknown
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“The stock market is filled with individuals who know the price of everything, but the value of nothing.” — Philip Fisher
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“I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.” — Unknown
Funny Money Sayings
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“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” — Robin Williams
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“Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.” — William Somerset Maugham
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“Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it, and thought of other things if you did.” — James Arthur Baldwin
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“The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you not to have any.” — Katherine Whitehorn
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“I think I’m allergic to alcohol and credit cards.” — Unknown
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“A budget tells us what we can’t afford, but it doesn’t keep us from buying it.” — William Feather
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“I spent a lot of money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” — George Best
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“I have an accounting degree. Why am I broke?” — Unknown
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“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” — Edmund Stockdale
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“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.” — Spike Milligan